Where God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window...

Well, not even the pinkest, sparkliest, most magical wish can trump the unfairness that is the "office loyalty" card. Person #2 is walking away with my so coveted ACM position on the Legally Blonde tour. I can't really fault anyone here, except the stupid theatrical hierarchy, but someday it will work in my favor, so I'm finding it hard to even fault that. The CM called today, and was very lovely and diplomatic about the whole thing, saying that we were really neck-and-neck, and the only thing stopping them from choosing me is my lack of experience in that particular office. He said that everything about me was great and perfect, and I needn't change anything, and that he would send my resume around with his highest recommendation. So, see, I can't even pinpoint my sadness on him. He was really very nice. In my theatrically-inclined mind, I've decided that he wanted to hire me, and that the powers-that-be chose otherwise. It'll help me get through it anyway.

Anyway, so thankfully, I was surrounded by wonderfully supportive people to get me through, so to those people, I say thank you for the drink invitations, for telling me I was too good for that tour anyway, for promising me that not getting that job meant Broadway was waiting for me, and for just being there to say it sucks, but that I will no doubt come out on top, thank you. For your favorite Pisces girl, this day has been ridiculously tear-free. Amazing.

The Waiting Game

Oh la la. I'm not a particularly patient person. In fact, instant gratification is something I have a very close relationship to. So, these past few weeks since my big interview with the Legally Blonde crew have been SO crazy. Thankfully, I have the great people down at MCC and the Lortel to help me pass the time, and I was actually content with knowing the Legally Blonde decision would be made "sometime around June 1." Fooling myself into putting something out of my mind is a concept I'm getting a little better at.

Of course, the problem with that is that usually life has other plans for your mind. This kink in my plan came in the way of a voicemail I was checking while waiting for my latte to be brewed at the Starbucks on 43rd and 8th. It was the CM from the LB tour telling me that they haven't decided yet, but will have a final decision by Tuesday. Oh, and it's down to me and one other person. My insides flipped upside down with sudden nervousness. Why did that happen? I was just fine living in my little oblivious world, and now suddenly, I have a constant countdown running in my head. Yikes. So anyway, I have told myself that if they don't choose me, it will be from some random external thing that is so far out of my control, but let's face it...can anyone else imagine this other person being better suited for the job? Me and all my pink, sparkly clothing say no.

It is weird thinking that somewhere out in the NYC void, there is someone else going through their Memorial Day weekend waiting for the same decision to come through on Tuesday. Life is random.

Anyway, besides that, life is going just fine. I'm still trying to kick this obnoxious cold. I may have pushed it a little too far this week, what with the midnight showing of Indy, followed by a late night on Friday with my boys, but what can I say? I'm not turning down those great times out with my friends just because of a stupid cold.

Alright, it's time for me to get ready for work, then choir. Peace out from Astoria on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.

"Don't talk of love lasting through time, make me no undying vow. Show me now!"

I just finished reading Julie Andrews' memoir, Home.  Seriously, as if I haven't been enamored with her my entire life, now upon reading the story of how she became what she became is truly amazing.  When I think of the short list of people who have influenced my life beyond words, I'm fairly certain that Julie Andrews is at the top of it.  I can remember sitting in front of our tv for hours and hours a day watching The Sound of Music over and over and over again.  I would spin around my living room pretending to be whichever particular VonTrapp family member I felt like at the moment.  When I reached college, I actually broke the tape on the VCR tape copy of that movie from watching it over and over again as I was getting over that freshman homesickness that inevitably comes from leaving home and needing something familiar to comfort you.

My neighbors across the street from me growing up were named Banks, and Mr. Banks was actually from England, and for a good five years of my life, I fully believed they were related to the Banks family from Mary Poppins.  They would travel to England and send me postcards from her.  (and you wonder why I live in such a fantasy world now...)

Anyway, reading this book did nothing but reinforce my belief that the influence Julie Andrews had over me as a child, silently and without my knowing, pushed me into the person I am in the career I'm in.  Without a doubt, every time "Edelweiss" or "Feed the Birds" pops up on my iTunes, my eyes start to tear up at the sheer beauty of her voice and the complete love that I have always had for her.

Does anyone else out there in the void feel that someone you've never met helped you become the person you are today?  Feel free to post in the comments.  I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Oh Universe. Your constant need to be in balance is so obnoxious sometimes.

You know that feeling you get when everything is going freaking amazingly and all your friends are happy and life is good and birds are singing and the sky is blue etc, but then God and the universe are like, "Um, nope, not that happy" and slams you with an slap back to reality?  That happened to me today.

For the sake of not sharing all my friend's lives for the world to see, I shall change their names to characters from Thoroughly Modern Millie.  That way if my friends aren't ready to share their stories, they don't have to, and I get to hum songs from Millie throughout my typing this part of the blog.  Win-win.

So anyway, last night, I got a call from "Millie" that she was engaged!  Words can't describe how excited I am!!  Her finance "Jimmy" was very nice to spare her for the 30 minutes it took for us to adequately squeal and laugh and cry and reminisce.  Needless to say, I was completely floored, and my friend is happier than I've ever seen her, and for that I am overwhelmingly excited for the two of them.  Once the story is told, and her Facebook profile is updated, I shall share that story because it's awesome.

Then, another friend of mine this morning "Trevor Graydon" informs me that he has been cast in a kick-ass musical in a starring role.  Totally amazing!  I am so happy for him!  He deserves all the success that is coming his way, for he is truly one of the most talented people I've had the pleasure of meeting since starting my New York adventures.  More to come on this later as well. 

Anyway, I had brunch with Em and Nick this morning (no need to hide those names, right?), and afterwards I was on Cloud 9.  Seriously, walking on air.  Completely thinking that the universe had some amazing positive fancy energy out there, I was looking forward to becoming a part of that.  I was humming along just thinking about my good friends' great fortunes.  And just being happy.  I know I've said that a lot, but I really was.  

Anyway, I called my mom to talk about a great meeting I had on Saturday afternoon (another reason I was happy!) and she interrupted my gushing to tell me, "I'm really sorry to have to bring you down from this, but Katherine's father passed away unexpectedly this morning."  (Katherine is my cousin Mark's fiancée, and they are getting married in August.)  I know a lot of people would read the paragraphs above this and say, "well, naturally something bad was bound to happen!" but that's not really how I roll.  I'm not a person who holds back very much emotionally speaking, so when my spirits are high, I'm literally flying; and therefore, when the bottom drops out, I'm completely crushed.  I was literally walking up 2nd Avenue practically skipping at the start of the phone call with my mom, and within seconds of hearing the news, I was crying and heartbroken.  For the next few hours, every time I would think of Katherine having to prepare for her wedding without her dad, I would dissolve into a crying mess.  At Barnes and Noble, at Starbucks, at work.  I'm sure on a deeper level it's because when my wedding comes, I won't have my dad around, and that sucks and all that jazz, but on the surface, I think that I just find myself Quantum Leaping* into people's emotions.  I suppose life would be a lot easier if I could distance myself even a little bit, but then I guess I wouldn't be the person I am now.  So, I guess I'll just try to keep my personal emotional roller coaster on the track and realize that without the high highs and the low lows, life would just be a series of that really flat part of the roller coaster when the ride is over and you're just coasting back to the start.  Look at me and my metaphor skills.  

I suppose I'll end this somber post for the night.  In the end, I suppose I don't really mind the intense feelings my little Pisces mind conjures up.  I am genuinely thrilled to be able to share in my friends' exciting adventures and accomplishments when they are overjoyed.  And, though usually, it's not an easy thing to do, sharing the tears and disappointments matters just as much.  Maybe more?  I guess it's just my way of trying to reach my own equilibrium with the universe.

*Disclaimer: I never actually watched Quantum Leap because it came on at the same time as Lois and Clark.  And I think we all know which show won my loyalty...